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If you’ve ever sat in therapy and thought: “I don’t know if this is working…” You’re not alone. In these moments it can feel confusing. You might think things like: “Should I challenge my therapist?” “How do I make most of my time?” “Will they be able to help?

If you are thinking these things, this can be great because it might mean you’re starting to recognising that something needs to be different in how you relate to yourself, others, your problem or your emotions!

Therapy can be life-changing (I know because I’ve done lots of it!) but it also doesn’t always help in the way people hope it will. Especially if the focus is only on talking, and not on what actually drives change.

Here are some things people often get confused about:

Therapy can give you powerful insights: “I people-please because I learned that conflict feels unsafe.” or “I push myself so hard because success felt like the only way to be loved.”

Sometimes insight is all we need but other times it’s not enough to also change behaviour. You can know why you’re stuck and still feel powerless to shift it.

What’s needed instead:
Therapy that works with both your mind and your body. This might include EMDR, somatic work, parts work, and other approaches that help your body experience something new and safe, not just understand it.

It’s easy for therapy to turn into a weekly update: Here’s what happened. Here’s how I felt. Here’s why it’s hard.

You might feel lighter in the moment but the same stuff comes back again next week. Why? Because you’re replaying the loop, not shifting it. Talking about content rather than the pattern and unconscious stuff driving the pattern.

What’s needed:
A therapist who gently pauses the story and helps you go underneath it.
Who asks: “Where do you feel that in your body?” or “Let’s build a connection to the part of you that panics / shuts down / over-functions.”

You might be so high-functioning, articulate, or self-aware that therapy becomes another place to perform. You say all the right things. and intellectualise your pain. You’re aware cognitively but may feel stuck somatically or emotionally. You may have the story nailed but still need to process it physically.

What’s needed instead:
A therapist who helps you slow down and actually feel without needing to have it all figured out. Someone who notices when you’re protecting something, and meets that part of you with safety and care.

Or therapy that helps you build capacity and calm in the body which might look like:
• learning grounding and regulation skills
• reprocessing memories that still “sting”
• using EMDR or somatic tools to shift the emotional charge
• finding ways to feel safe in real-time, not just understand why you don’t not pressure.

A lot of therapy is intentionally non-directive: “We’ll go wherever you want to go.” This is really important as it’s your process, but this doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be some clear outcomes and/or actions to take away from sessions. Your insights can be applicable to the action you take day-to-day.

What’s needed: Maybe a bit more structure, maybe an exploration of what actions you could do differently, maybe a space to explore practical goals you want to achieve. Coaching can help for this in particular.

If you’re in therapy and it’s not helping, you don’t need to give up. You are allowed to ask for something different. Therapy isn’t just about talking. It’s about healing. And healing means something changes in how we live, respond, relate, and show up.

If you’re curious about what that could look like for you, I’d be happy to talk.

👉 Schedule Now

Bex

https://delphicoaching.wixsite.com/delphitherapy

www.wearedelphi.co

Have a friend, partner, colleague, family member that is looking for some support but isn’t quite sure where to turn?

Forward them this email and see if they’d like to book in for a complimentary intro call?

Keep showing up, keep connecting, learning and discovering! cheering each yourself and those around you on 💛

Bex @ We Are Delphi

P.S.

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