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Stress can feel like weather, rolling in without asking and something completely out of our control. Mo Gawdat, former Google X exec turned “happiness engineer”, insists it’s more predictable than that. In fact, he goes as far to say that a lot of stress is self-induced.

He uses a tidy little acronym, TONN, to trace where stress comes from and how it sneaks into our day:

While these are all super stressful..three of these (Obsessions, Nuisances, Noise) hinge on how we relate to them and the meaning we give them. To some extent they are within our control.

We can shift the meaning we make from a situation, we can chose to let go of or resolve those little gripes and we can set up routines and habits that mean we aren’t trying to be everything to everyone at all times.

Here’s what I think Mo Gawdatt means in a bit more detail.

T: “Trauma”

Within this context, trauma refers to the emotional and physiological response to events outside our control. These are the big hitters: loss, illness, layoffs, breakups. These happen to us. They hit hard, and they knock us sideways and while humans are resilient these can feel extremely challenging.

What matters: Trauma is a response to an overwhelming event. We experience shock and denial sometimes too. Trauma is complex and can take time to work through. It can be processed and there are so many more techniques and ways of working with trauma now - EMDR, IFS, Somatic work, even techniques using virtual reality.

O: “Obsessions”

Obsessions are the mental loops and beliefs we put on ourself such as “I should be further along,” “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t belong” or “What if X goes wrong?”. These are the stories you tell yourself about your identity which cause you pain. They might not even be clear if you haven’t yet started your self-reflection or personal development journey.

What matters: This one is almost entirely about your internal narrative. What you tell yourself about your situation often generates the stress. When the mind keeps feeding the same anxious prediction, your body obliges with the same stress response. This can be underpinned by accidental core beliefs we’ve formed throughout our lives, often unintentionally.

N: “Nuisances”

These are the mini emotional responses based on the smaller storeis we tell ourselves throughout our day. We might look in the mirror and see another grey hair, or look at social media and see something triggering or we might feel annoyed someone didn’t say thank you for us giving them right of way. A lot of stress comes from these events and it’s cumulative. If you’re feeling rubbish and are’t sure why - it might be this!

What matters: These are the mini criticisms when we allow things to mean something which doesn’t help our self-worth. A delayed approval isn’t just “a delay”it’s “I’m not trusted,” “I’m failing,” “it always happens to me.” A mix up in your coffee order is ok. Changing what we attach to these nuisances shifts the stress they induce.

N: “Noise”

Noise is the modern demands that we’ve all built into our lives: notifications, meetings about meetings, constant comparison. It’s the things that don’t really add anything to our lives but we’ve incorporated into our routine. For example, so much of advertising and marketing is designed to get us to buy things which end-up adding very little or costing us more. It’s feeling like we have to check our email at 10pm at night. It could be the things we do to keep up appearances.

What matters: The “noise” you pick up only becomes stressful when you accept it as meaningful or urgent or something you need to have. Get clear on what you really want in your life, what really makes you happy, choose where your resources (time, money, energy, attention) go. Recognising that much of the noise is optional gives you an ability to free yourself up.

Why This Matters

When we recognise that Trauma happens to us, while Obsessions, Nuisances and Noise are shaped by how we relate to them, we unlock more agency. We move from “Why is this happening to me?” to “How will I respond?” Stress stops being just an external storm and becomes something we can learn to relate to.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re done waiting for stress to lighten on its own and you’re ready to do something about it then take advantage of a complimentary 15-20 minute intro call where we can explore your situation and how working together might help.

👉 Schedule Now

We’ll walk through your personal TONN map together; identify which of the four is most active for you right now, clarify how you’re relating to it, and draft one actionable step you can implement this week.

Let’s move stress from “something that happens” to “something I understand and manage.”

Or perhaps you might know someone who could benefit from reading this email or booking in for a call.

Until next time,

Bex

https://delphicoaching.wixsite.com/delphitherapy

www.wearedelphi.co

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Keep showing up, keep connecting, learning and discovering! cheering each yourself and those around you on 💛

Bex @ We Are Delphi

P.S.

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