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Hi I’m Bex - a therapist and coach who loves helping others build their emotional, social and relational intelligence.
I write a weekly newsletter all about emotional well-being.
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Psychoeducation Tips
Certainty & Anxiety
A lot of people come into coaching or therapy with the same belief:
“If only I could be certain… then I’d finally relax and feel confident.”
or
“If I was clear then I’d feel motivated”
If only I could know the right decision.
If only I could predict the outcome.
If only I could be sure I won’t regret it.
This sounds logical and in an ideal world I’m sure all of us would try and opt for this. But the world…is very uncertain.
The More We Chase Certainty, the More Anxious We Become
People often assume that if they could just think more, plan more, or prepare more, they would feel safe but the science says something different.
Research shows that when we try to eliminate uncertainty by analysing, checking, rehearsing, and over-preparing, we activate the brain’s threat-anticipation systems, even when nothing is wrong (Grupe & Nitschke, 2013).
This is why overthinking feels “productive,” yet leaves you more anxious.
Struggling to tolerate uncertainty is linked to:
chronic worry (Gentes & Ruscio, 2011)
excessive rumination (McEvoy & Mahoney, 2012)
avoidance behaviours (Dugas et al., 2004)
social anxiety (He et al., 2024)
heightened physiological arousal (Carleton, 2016)
In short: the pursuit of certainty amplifies anxiety instead of reducing it.
Why We Get Stuck
Most people who chase certainty whether that is because they’re hoping for clarity or confidence hold an unconscious rule:
“If I think about it enough and if I feel certain enough, I can prevent anything bad from happening.”
And this is super understandable, the brain evolved to protect us by predicting threats. But in modern life, uncertainty is not a threat. It’s a condition and no amount of thinking can remove it.
What Helps Instead
Many studies show that reducing anxiety has far less to do with eliminating uncertainty and far more to do with increasing tolerance for it. Therapies that successfully reduce anxiety often target:
1. Cognitive Flexibility: Being able to shift mental perspective reduces the impact of uncertainty.(Park et al., 2023).
2. Emotion Regulation: Stronger regulation skills decrease the link between IU and anxiety. (He et al., 2024; Yook et al., 2010).
3. Reappraisal and Acceptance: Learning to soften the meaning of “not knowing.” (Helbig-Lang & Petermann, 2010).
4. Exposure / Inhibitory Learning: Gradually reducing safety behaviours so the system learns uncertainty is survivable. (Craske et al., 2014).
If you’re feeling anxious and aren’t sure what to do about it. If you’re trying to fix things by trying to control outcomes, and this only seems to be making things worse, book in for a complimentary intro call and we can see
My fees increase by 20% in March so by acting sooner you could save too!
Bex
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That’s it for this week.
Keep showing up, keep connecting, learning and discovering! cheering each yourself and those around you on 💛
Bex @ We Are Delphi
P.S.
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