Hi I’m Bex - a therapist and coach who loves helping others build their emotional, social and relational intelligence.
I write a weekly newsletter all about emotional well-being.
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Psychoeducation Tips
Certainty and Anxiety
A lot of people come into coaching or therapy with the same belief:
“If only I could be certain… then I’d finally relax.”
If only I could know the right decision. If only I could predict the outcome.
If only I could be sure I won’t regret it.
This sounds logical. It’s also exactly what research calls Intolerance of Uncertainty (IU); a tendency to see uncertainty as stressful, wrong, or dangerous.
If we know there are multiple future outcomes, then our brain tries to pick the worst one and then prevent it from happening which sort of makes logical sense - and yet…
Why does this matter? Because not liking ambiguity, uncertainty can often underpin feelings of anxiousness - it feeds into chronic worry, rumination, avoidance, social anxiety, feelings of panic. (Rad et al., 2025; Carleton, 2016).
The more we think and do…the more we try to control, the more anxious we become:
Most of us people who chase certainty (whether that’s through rumination, over prepping, trying to make something perfect or by trying to control others) hold an unconscious rule:
“If I think about it enough or try enough then I can prevent anything bad from happening.”
From the outside, it looks like a strategy:
“If I plan enough, I can prevent things going wrong.”
“If I think through every scenario, I can control the outcome.”
“If I work harder, I can guarantee safety.”
And this makes sense. The brain evolved to protect us by predicting threats but in modern life, BUT uncertainty is not always a threat but baked into every day existence. No amount of thinking can remove it.
What’s more…trying to control an outcome too much is seen as safety-seeking behaviour, which research shows reinforces the belief that there is danger. (Salkovskis, 1991).
It’s a negative feedback loop where our bodies think: “You’re working this hard, so something must be wrong.”
What Helps Instead
Many studies show that reducing anxiety has far less to do with eliminating uncertainty and far more to do with increasing tolerance for it.
Therapies that successfully reduce anxiety often target:
1. Cognitive Flexibility: Being able to shift mental perspective reduces the impact of uncertainty.
(Park et al., 2023).
2. Emotion Regulation: Stronger regulation skills decrease the link between IU and anxiety.
(He et al., 2024; Yook et al., 2010).
3. Reappraisal and Acceptance: Learning to soften the meaning of “not knowing.” (Helbig-Lang & Petermann, 2010).
4. Exposure / Inhibitory Learning: Gradually reducing safety behaviours so the system learns uncertainty is survivable. (Craske et al., 2014).
The Paradox
The less you chase certainty, the calmer you become. The calmer you become, the clearer you think. Clarity builds confidence, not certainty.
Confidence is not: “I know exactly what will happen.”
Confidence is: “Whatever happens, I can handle it.”
If you’re feeling anxious or stressed or on edge, if you’re doubting yourself, feeling stuck, numb or unfulfilled or if you’re ruminating or having big emotions you might want to book in for a complimentary intro call.
Bex
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That’s it for this week.
Keep showing up, keep connecting, learning and discovering! cheering each yourself and those around you on 💛
Bex @ We Are Delphi
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